Thoughts On: In-N-Out

Sloppy West Coast

During my travels through California and Nevada, In-N-Out, often cited as the best burger chain by westerners on the internet, had a bustling line of hungering people at all times. The Hollywood In-N-Out at 8:00 pm had a line so abhorrently long it spanned the entire property before wrapping around two other roads. With this level of hype, expectations were high when I got my Double Double Animal Style and Animal Fries. 

“Animal Style”, for the uniformed, is a method of frying your burger in mustard and topping with caramelized onions and “secret sauce” (as well as cheese on the fries). It’s really the only thing that makes In-N-Out unique beyond that fact that they actually cook your burger fresh. 

As seen below, the food looked incredible when served. The dominant flavor of both items were the onions, which isn’t a bad thing, as the onions are caramelized to sweet perfection. Mixed with the special sauce, which isn’t dissimilar to a mixture of ketchup, mustard, and mayo, and you’ve got a solid flavor profile going on. It’s hard to beat a good quality meal with decent taste. 

However, In-N-Out, given its legendary status, ultimately failed to live up to the best burger chains across America. The burger patty itself had a surprising lack of beefiness. They completely missed the opportunity, given the thin size of the patty, to properly sear the meat, producing that delicious crust which locks in the flavor. Salt and pepper; also needed. It’s confusing to me how a Wendy’s patty offers more flavor depth than an In-N-Out patty. And for the record, this wasn’t a case of the onions being so overpowering, as I tried the patty on its own with intense precision. Furthermore, the bun was super basic, the tomato was really cold for some reason, and the cheese became invisible amongst the secret sauce. 

The fries were better, although I’m more of a dipper than a topper, as topped fries tend to get soggy. The quality of the fries was solid though and they remained crispy for at least half of the time it took to eat them. What can’t be ignored is the slop factor of it all. Being so heavily coated in all the shit, it’s one of those things where you feel guilty and gross after consuming. For point of reference, other items with significant slop factor would be fair food concoctions like the doughnut burger, the Chocolate Stampede from Longhorn’s, or a Dominos pizza with way to much sauce and cheese.

While better than traditional processed fast food, In-N-Out is far from the best chain burger one can buy. As I drive back to the east coast, I’m content in living in an In-N-Outless world and I suspect that the westerners who’ll declare sacrilege upon this post are ultimately blinded by cultural, nostalgia and hubris.